HERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE DAY

(Photo from the DPS Quarterly, Fall 2006)

Kodiak is a much safer place thanks to the efforts of Super Trooper Cooper. Super Trooper Cooper received his badge in June of 2006. It is his mission to rid Kodiak of tinted windows and expired tags. Full of youthful exuberance and lacking experience, Super Trooper Cooper is proving his worth not by helping the citizens of Kodiak, but showing his superiors that he is doing something by writing a multitude of citations.

Friday, January 26th, with rain turning the roads slick, many reports of accidents, and vehicles that were in need of assistance, Super Trooper Cooper was busy . . . writing citations for tinted windows. Today Super Trooper Cooper came into the post office where there were 6 or 7 people in line. Rather than wait in line, Super Trooper Cooper went out to the parking lot to check vehicles for infractions, no doubt looking for expired tags, or more tinted windows. After writing some citations, Super Trooper Cooper came back when the line was shorted. It leads the perspective to wonder if Super Trooper Cooper was checking his mail on trooper time, or if he was writing tickets on personal time.

The Perspective advises that you check your tags, remove the tinting from your windows, wear your seat belt, make sure you have your license and registration and proof of insurance, and for goodness sake, don’t even think about swerving to avoid a pothole or inland lake. Super Trooper Cooper is out there and he is looking for you.

BARBARO EUTHENIZED

Barbaro, winner of the 132nd Kentucky Derby, is gone. After the impressive victory in the Run for the Roses many horseplayers dreamed of a triple crown champion, only to have their hearts broken when Barbaro suffered an injury in the Preekness Stakes. His story did not end there. The story of Barbaro’s surgery and recovery was one of hope, it captured the attention of many who have never been to a race track. Many people checked on Barbaro’s progress via the web, and sent e-mails to Barbaro wishing him the best. For a while all the news was good, but this month was very difficult and has ended in the death of this fine horse who captured people’s imagination beyond the race track.

GOVERNESS PALIN COMES TO KODIAK

The Governess come to Kodiak as part of a series of events held around the state as part of the inaugural celebration. It brought out all of the usual suspects, local cultural groups who perform at all the important events, local politicians seeking to curry favor, or just getting a photo op, the press, and the locals who come to any event with the promise of free food. The Perspective took advantage of the photo op, just incase he runs for public office.
 

DEFINITIVE ANSWER TO COOLNESS POOL

Thanks to Ishmael at Kodiak Konfidential for the "Head"s up. From the NY Times:

By SUZANNE GANNON, NY Times
AMONG the features of the new 6,000-square-foot, $3 million entertainment wing in Kevin Scherer’s home in Plano, Tex., are two bars, a theater, a video game room, a shuffleboard table and a golf simulator that projects images of top courses onto a big screen.
Oh, and a urinal.
“It fit the theme of the golf simulator room, which is a men’s activity,” said Mr. Scherer, a 44-year-old retired Internet executive, speaking of the $1,269 Kohler Bardon urinal he installed in an adjoining bathroom and unveiled at a Christmas party, as though showing off a ceramic trophy. No guy would ever use the toilet, he added, “if he knew the urinal was there.”
While the thought of a home urinal may seem vaguely “Animal House,” Mr. Scherer’s interior designer, Ashley Astleford, wasn’t surprised by his request. This was the second time in the last few months that she was asked to install a urinal in a luxury residential project, and she said she knows many other designers and architects who have been specifying home urinals in their projects. According to Ms. Astleford, who is based in Dallas, home urinals are becoming “a definite must for luxury master suites.”

The Perspective's choice of home urinal is the Kohler Bardon Urinal model 4915-O So much for your home theater and hot tub.

ON NEWSSTANDS NOW

The latest edition of Alaska Bride and Groom hit the newsstands this week. AB&G is, to the surprise of many, the Perspective’s favorite magazine. AB&G features photos and stories from weddings around the state of Alaska. Included are details like where the couple was registered (Fred Meyers, REI), or anecdotes, like the bride performing Sir Mix Alot’s “Baby Got Back”, and is a great resource for those planning an Alaskan wedding.

Maybe the Perspective is a hopeless romantic, still hoping for that special gal who will sweep him off of his feet faster than he can fall off of a snow board. Be sure to pick up your copy, available at Safeway or AC Food for Less.

KODIAK TRAFFIC

Highs in the upper 30s (read 36) hailed the return of lake Kaloz to the Kodiak Road system. Lake Kaloz is the largest of the inland lakes scattered within the city limits. The actual depth of the lake is unknown, but there are reports of a “Nessy” type monster that thrives on car tires, locally known as “Potty” for the pot hole where the creature retreats to avoid the paparazzi.

How many of you Kodiak people know where Wilson St is located? Wilson St is a one block connector between Mill Bay and Carolyn. It takes the Perspective 20 maybe 25 seconds to walk its entire span on his way to work. Most days it is a lonely walk, but yesterday 13 cars whizzed past, and today, even though Wilson St was not plowed, another 5 cars zipped past. The Perspective is curious to find out why this sudden shift in traffic patterns. Is it some kind of shortcut? If so, to where? Perhaps it is a detour, though the Perspective has seen no signs to that effect. Maybe it is fear of “Potty”. 

MOVIES THE PERSPECTIVE HASN’T SEEN

The nominations for the 79th Academy Awards were announced this week giving the Perspective some ideas to add to the Netflix queue. We have a movie theater in Kodiak, the Orpheum which shows two features each week, which usually run for only one week, so it is not surprising that the Perspective has missed seeing most of the nominated movies. The perspective has seen only 3. How many have you seen?

The list of nominees can be found at the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences web site.

What is in the Perspective’s queue? Next up is “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom: Wild Cats” from 1963 (TV), “Hope and Glory” (a child’s view of the London blitz), and “When We were Kings” (documentary about the “Rumble in the Jungle”). 

Oh, which 3 nominees has the perspective seen? "Cars" (best animated feature, original song), "The Devil Wears Prada" (best actress, costume design), and I am loathe to admit "Marie Antoinette" (costume design). 

DECEPTIVE PRACTICES AT KODIAK ELECTRIC

Many people do not take the time to review our electric bills, so the Perspective was surprised to see an item in blue ink that stated “Your Round Up Contribution is: $xx.xx”.

The Perspective vaguely remembers hearing something about this program, but did not feel inclined to sign up. The Perspective called KEA to find out more. The Perspective was informed that every member was automatically enrolled and that it was up to the individual member to opt out. The program started July 1, 2006, so for six months they have been getting some loose change from the Perspective.

According to the KEA web site, “if half of KEA’s meters are included in the program, we estimate that the annual contribution to the Operation Round Up Scholarship Fund will be about $18,000.”

The Perspective is as philanthropic as the next guy, but ask me nicely, don’t just “grab that cash with both hands and make a stash”.

Money collected from the Round Up Program go into KEA’s scholarship fund, so if you want to contribute, you need do nothing. But if you are offended by the deceptive nature of KEA in this matter, perhaps you could contribute money to some other worthy cause. 

Cool Readers

It seems readers of the Kodiak Perspective like the big ticket items. Home Theater tops the list followed by the 8 person hot tub. More of you wanted a urinal than a Margaritaville Frozen Concotion maker. Noone wanted to take a wrap around shower. What to think, smelly couch potatos who pee more than they drink.

Please vote in the new poll, favorite wintertime activity.

TO BE A KID AGAIN

(Picture: Tracks in the snow)

Yesterday we had another dumping of snow on Kodiak putting us over 19 inches for the month of January. Today arrived with glorious sunshine and an invite to go sliding. The Perspective was doing a load of laundry and beginning to work on income tax, so the invitation was a welcome respite. It has been some time since the Perspective has fallen down and enjoyed it. Never having been on a snow-board before, and not sure if the failed attempts count as having been on one today, it was an extreme pleasure to fall and enjoy the fall. It made the perspective feel almost young once more.

FROM THE WIRES

NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide
rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra
movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the
FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents
in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x'
and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek
philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every
triangle.'

'When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God
had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would
have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told
reporters they could not recall a more profound statement ever made
by the president.

The Perspective did not write the above wire story, but it was too funny
to pass up, source unknown. 

WARM WEATHER BRINGS SNOW, SLEET, AND SLUSH

Temperatures climbed into the mid 30s this week, bringing snow, sleet, and slush. Since none of the storm sewers seem to work in this town, it also means the return of inland lakes in low lying areas and potholes. Plow crews were out blocking driveways and piling the mess onto sidewalks causing pedestrians to share the road with motorists. Motorists in response to the city’s lane sharing program have been slashing the sludge onto the pedestrians at will and passing dangerously close. Mayor Flood could not be reached for comment.

Music: The Duhks Migration wings them to Kodiak

The Duhks “Migration” tour stopped by Kodiak last night hosted by KMXT 100.1FM, playing to a nearly sold out Gerald C Wilson Auditorium. What, you’ve never heard of the Duhks? They have been nominated for a grammy this year. NPR says that they are a tough band to pigeonhole. The music, played on folk instruments; guitar, fiddle, banjo, and percussion, ranges from Irish, folk, gospel, country, but “Duhkified” into modern sound that is exciting to hear. The crown in Kodiak was on their feet dancing and clapping. It was a high energy performance. This is a band worth hearing. Watch for them in your town.

 

Book Review: “Steel Drivin’ Man – John Henry – The Untold Story of an American Legend” by Scott Reynolds Nelson.

Many Americans know of John Henry from the song, we sang it in school, heard recordings, in the Persepectives case by Harry Belafonte. So the overlong title sounded intriguing. The author starts out telling how he did the research, this self gratifying part is not in keeping with how histories are usually written. The actual biographical part about John Henry is very short and sketchy, which is the part that the reader selected for. The bulk of the book deals with the song, in many versions, which is known.

The Perspective says leave this one on the shelf of your library, and pick another book. Sometimes things aren’t as good as they seem at first glance, like being sucked in by the hype of a movie, at least you only wasted two hours. 

The $3.50 Pear (plus shipping & handling)

One thing that is dear to people who live in Alaska is fresh produce. Prices are so unbelievable that I won’t even mention them, and the produce is so far past its prime that markets where the Perspective used to live would toss it out as spoilage. Much of it is tasteless, but at least it keeps the scurvy away. So for Christmas, the Perspective sent himself the gift of fruit, Harry and David Fruit-of-the-Month-Club. The first shipment arrived yesterday, Royal Riviera Pears. According to the web site, this shipment of pears sells for $28 plus shipping and handling. The box contained 8 pears, one dressed in gold foil and one wrapped in decorative Harry and David tissue, no explanation for these 2 anomalies that the Perspective could find in the enclosed literature. 28 dollars divided by 8 pears is $3.50 per pear! (plus shipping & handling) Oh well, the money is spent.

The Perspective has had little experience with pears, when the Perspective was a child they came in a can packed in syrup. Don’t try to eat a pear like an apple! The skin is tough and not appetizing. It is suggested by H&D to halve the pear, core it, and eat it with a spoon. The perspective octo-sliced the pear and removed the skin with a bird’s beak paring knife. So, how does a $3.50 Royal Riviera Pear taste? The perspective says: Worth Every Penny. Mmm delicious, I wonder what the one in the gold foil will taste like.

Buddha Kaloz

The Perspective had a disagreement with a co-worker last week. We each had a different perspective on the matter. Rather than prolong the argument by trying to make each other understand our views, the Perspective told him a fable about a blind man and a lion:

A blind man wanted to experience Africa, so he booked passage, contracted a guide, and went on safari on the Serengeti. During the night, the man awoke when nature called. He wandered out of the camp to find a place to relieve his bladder. On his way he tripped and fell. Reaching back to investigate, he found a stick, one with good flexion, with a ball of fur at the end. He concluded that he had found a duster. The lion, not amused that someone was playing with his tail, killed and ate the blind man. He died never knowing that he was wrong.

My co-worker chuckled and wandered off, no longer upset, but still completely clueless. Sometimes the right path is making someone smile rather that making them upset.

Gambling under attack in Alaska

 Americans love to gamble, it might be a football pool, a friendly poker game, or playing the ponies. Many not for profit organizations raise money by sponsoring bingo, holding raffles, or having a Monte Carlo night.

Here in Alaska the most popular forms of gambling are native sponsored bingo and “pull-tabs” known where I came from as “instant bingo”. Up here it is also referred to as “Alaska indoor sports”. We have the occasional raffle and the “Nenana Ice Classic” where we bet on when the ice will break up in Nenana, a railroad town where surveyors wintered in 1917 and started the betting pool.

Aside from that there is very little organized gambling in Alaska, no lottery, no casinos, no horse race tracks, and no Monte Carlo nights in the church basement.

So why do Harry Crawford, D-Anchorage and Nancy Dahlstrom R-Eagle River think we need a constitutional amendment to ban “for profit gambling”, bit of overkill if you ask the Perspective. Since the amendment has very little chance of actually passing, is this political posturing to curry favor with anti-gambling nabobs?

What we need is more gambling, or at least some variety, so that our non-profits can fill their coffers and continue to provide their services. The Perspective is not calling for building casinos, but the odd Monte Carlo night would be a pleasant diversion, (and a chance to pick up so dough-re-mi in the process).
 
The Cabaret, Hotel, Restaurant and Retailers Association of Alaska (CHARR) opposes the measure. “The Alaska Constitution, like the U.S. Constitution, is a sacred document that was not meant to be a tool for any one group, anyone's group, to force morality upon the general public.”
The Perspective concurs.

Careful what you wish for -or- now you've done it

In his current poll (or in a poll if he changes it), Ishmael asks:
"Will this icy hell of a winter never end?" Today the temperature shot up to the mid 30's, our normal temperatures, starting the thaw-freeze that make our winters here in Kodiak so treacherous.
Up until today our weather has been glorious and the town has been painted in winter white. Now the rain has come. It was bound to happen, but it was sure nice while it lasted. Along with the rain and warm temperatures come the big puddles. Our multi-factioned (state, borough, city) gov'ments can come up with many ways to spend money on big projects, but we can't have storm sewers
that work, so get out your xtra-tuffs, or you'll be in up to your shins.

Speaking of our multi-faceted government's penchant for big projects, it is reported today: "The cost of a large boat travel lift facility in St. Herman Harbor has risen to $18.1 million, a substantial increase since it was first proposed in 2004 when the price tag was $6.6 million. " The pool went from 6 to 14 million, Woodland Acres paving district tripled, who knows what the final cost on the cop shop/jail will cost. Geez, if only my pay increased at the rate of gov'ment project cost estimates, easily going up 2.5 times in a couple of years, I'd have to get a wheel-barrow to carry that much lettuce home from the bank.

Meantime, be careful out there, and if you do slip and crack your tailbone, you know who to blame, that other Kodiak blog, not me, not me.

More from the Mirror

TORCH FIRE BURNS TRAILER, FAMILY OK

“The residents were thawing a pipe with a torch and caught some insulation on fire,”said Bayside Fire Department acting fire chief Bob Himes. “It spread quickly.” Thehome was collapsing when the first engine arrived. “People need to be extremelycareful with thawing pipes, not to use open-flame torches,” he said.

VICTIMS OF MOBILE HOME FIRE SEEK DONATIONS

A family of six lost everything, including their dog, when a fire burned their trailer to the ground Sunday evening. The trailer was not insured, said Red Cross volunteer Kathy Nussbaum.The fire came dangerously close — but did not touch — a nearby shed, which held a large propane tank. “The paint was melted off the side of the shed but the propane tank did not blow up,” Nussbaum said. “That would have been bad.”

This is what you would call an example of smartness? Yes?
Now these dog killers want you to bail them out.  
Heck, they never should have been in the gene pool in the first place.
If you want to donate your money, give it to someone who will put it to good use, like flying off to Rio de Janero for a fun weekend.

Merry Christmas from Kodiak

 No, you are not reading the title wrong, it is Christmas in Kodiak.
Alaska was purchased from Russia and many russian influences
still abound.  Many residents of Kodiak follow the orthodox faith,
commonly called Russian Orthodox though it is part of the
Orthodox Church of America.  The orthodox celebrate Christmas
on what westeners would call the 12th day of Christmas, or the
Feast of the Epiphany.  

One of the fun traditions is called "Starring" where they take a
mock-up of a star and go to peoples homes to announce the
birth of the Christ child, then they sing some hymns, and then
they eat.  On to the next home, announce, sing, eat.  Many
households sign up to be on the tour, which gets to be an
endurance event.

Of course to keep warm it is good to have handy a libation,
how about a "White Russian Christmas"
1 1/2 oz Vodka
3/4 oz Kahlua
3/4 oz Light Cream or Milk

Mix the vodka and kahlua together then float the cream on top. Add ice if desired.

To make this a Christmas drink (red and green)
first add a little snow (coconut)
and some red caviar and chives sprinkled on top.

за ваше здоровье (Na zdorovje)

 

Island Time

 Some places are described as "laid back", Jamaica
comes to mind, other places have a relaxed attitude,
perhaps "Cabo San Lucas", here in Kodiak we call it
"Island Time".  Things happen at thier own pace,
so don't sweat it, mon. Eryting b irea.

We are so relaxed here that we even make recliners
for our dumpsters. While in other communities the
dumpsters are hard at work, here we make a nice
Barca-lounger out of snow so the dumpster can sit
back and relax.

Inside the Post Office

Many of you see the Perspective daily at the Post Office,
where I have been gainfully employed for over 20 years.

When I arrived at work this morning I noted that today's
mail had yet to arrive (a not infrequent event on the island).
I asked the boss, "So what is their excuse this morning?"
He told me, "There was a problem at the plant."
Note: Mail comes from a processing plant in Anchorage.

So I asked, "How many dead?"

Life in Kodiak

Kodiak Daily Mirror Headlines:

January 2: lead
KODIAK TO MAINLAND FIBER-OPTIC CABLE COMPLETE

January 3: above the fold
NEW FIBER-OPTIC CABLE DAMAGED OFF NARROW CAPE

At least the warranty hasn’t expired.  

Need I say more?

Just one more reason to live in Alaska

Today I received my PFD application in my mailbox,
as well as a reminder from the PFD division online.

What is a PFD? PFD stands for the Permanent
Fund Dividend. A fund set up from oil revenues
which are invested and pay a dividend to each and
every Alaskan resident of more than a year. Voters
passed a constitutional amendment in 1976 to establish
the fund which began paying dividends in 1982.

When I lived in the contiguous US, I used to pay
income taxes to the state where I earned my living.
Now the state pays me just for living here. Isn’t
that grand?  

Governess Palin Vetos Same Sex

Why are we concerned about who is having sex with whom.
Isn't this a privacy issue, or is it?  

Governess Sarah Palin used her power of veto on HB 4001.
Former Gov. Frank Murkowski had called his last special
session for the legislature to pass a bill to grant state employees
benefits to same sex partners as called for by the State Supreme
Court. The legislature voted to try to block the courts action
with HB 4001. Governess Palin tried to straddle the issue
saying that she opposes the court action, but that she was bound
by her oath of office.

Governess Palin, take a stand. Straddle politics is not the way
to govern, it is a cop out. The Perspective wonders why there
is all this fuss about who does what to whom. Is this issue
about homophobes in Alaska and not alienating the voters,
or is it a veiled way to reduce state spending, by denying benefits.

In a possibly related event, state retirees who chose to go south
will be denied cost of living benefits.  So there.

 

Book Review: The Only Kayak, by Kim Heacox

The Only Kayak, a Journey into the Heart of Alaska, by Kim Heacox, ISBN: 1-59228-715-8

“The Only Kayak” is one man’s Alaskan experience, from what brought him here to what made him stay. Many Alaskans wish that they would be the last people let into the state. We come here for the wildness, but as more and more people come some of the wildness leaves. While we might struggle with the effect of our arrival, most crave the comforts of some bit of civilization.

Kim Heacox, who came to Alaska as a Forest Service Ranger and settled in Gustavus Alaska, bemoans the coming of progress, even as trees are killed to publish his books and build his two storey house. He even discusses this paradox in later chapters. The book is enjoyable as one man’s struggle to come to terms with his own impact on Alaska. It features many gleanings of other writers who are well worth reading. In the end it does get sappy, but worth the read.

 

Happy New Year

As the sun rises on a new year in Kodiak Alaska (9:54am)
it is time to record some weather information for this
emerald isle.  They say that our island turns green in 
the summer from all the rain, but we don't get nearly
as much as SE Alaska.  Rainfall for 2006 was 64.56 inches.
Lucky for us we have had a beautiful winter with seasonal
snowfall (since July, go figure the NWS) of 49.4 inches.